Happy Birthday

24 years old yesterday.

The SIMPSONS!!!

Unbelievable. 

In their honor I'm offering some wonderful Homer philosophy to live our lives by:

Operator! Give me the number for 911! I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.' You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something. I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church! Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such. I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here. Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman. Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English. I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals. But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder. That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk! 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?