Frolicon

I spent a good chunk of this past weekend at a local convention called Frolicon.  Developed as a gathering for science fiction, gaming, and fantasy fans, geeks, lovers, writers, and other general nutcases, the convention has morphed into a pretty serious avenue for pansexual kinksters.  Since I'm not a real fan, geek, lover, or writer of the genres I put myself in the category of general nutcase (where I humbly belong), and had a remarkably good time the entire weekend!  It was My pup who got me there (many thanks!) mostly because in his general excitement he'd registered for the event twice!  (He shall hereafter be known as "the boy so excited by Frolicon he registered twice", or BoySEFHRT.

Over the course of the weekend there were a wide variety of presentations for the various communities served by the Con.  Examples included general discussions and how-to's on furries, bondage, tag-team dominating, negotiating scenes, creative costuming, zombie makeup, lacing corsets, Victorian flirting, and the creatively-titled "Shish-ka-Dick."  A nice collection of vendors filled a ballroom with a wide variety of BDSM tools, kinky clothing, corsetry, and jewelry. 

My favorite activity, by far, was just being a people-watcher.  Every time I entered the vendor area Lee and Miles were busily lacing up women into beautiful corsets at the Marvelous Mayhem booth.  They are magicians.  The first woman I saw laced up they got down to about a 25 inch waist.  Her enormous breasts (cup size "I"...as in two large turkeys) floated beautifully atop the tightly cinched waist.  I turned around and saw four Littles bounce by.  These "Littles" are adults of 21-65 dressed as 5 year-olds complete with lollipops and crayolas heading down for the cookie-decorating panel.  Later I was headed up the escalator and a tightly-corseted woman was descending to my left.  She shrieked, "oh, FUCK."  A few seconds later, twice as loud, "Jesus!  Please!  FUCK!  JESUUUUUUS!"  I thought it might have something to do with it being Easter weekend.  A few steps behind her I saw a man with an evil grin hitting buttons on a remote control.

In a matter of a few square feet of the hotel lobby you could see a dominatrix in full gear next to a Little next to a cross-dressing maid in full latex costume next to a Furry next to a zombie next to a Steampunker (see above photo).  I have to admit the Steampunkers have my total admiration for some incredible imagination and creativity in their costuming, gadgetry and weaponry. 

And pretty much anytime day or night you could find some sort of dungeon party taking place.  Times were set aside for W2W, M2M, women who love M2M, spankers, and general pansexual play.  For the big late night dungeon parties 3 large ballrooms were opened to each other with a variety of cages, suspension sites, whipping crosses, and wrestling mats set up.  On Friday night the line to get in to the dungeon had to be at least 50 people long when I finally had to give up and hit the road for home.

The dungeon play was hit and miss.  Both literally and figuratively.  It was a thrill watching BoySEFHRT swing a flogger.  He also did some gorgeous rope work on a variety of guys.  His dance card was VERY full for the weekend.  And both Friday and Saturday night he ended up having to ice his shoulder from all the flogger action.  He was laser-focused, caring, devilish, and extremely good at what he did.  I could easily have just stayed nearby and watched him every single minute, but I also didn't want him to think I was "overseeing" his work, him worried that I was on the sidelines ready to critique his every move, because nothing could have been further from the truth.  I was just intrigued by how good he was.  But I forced myself to walk around, to leave the dungeon for good chunks of time, and occasionally do a little play of my own.

At the M2M party a handsome couple joined the party about half way through.  The Top was a rugged, broad-shouldered man, dark in features, with a Unikilt and some nice boots.  The boy was equally good looking with a much smaller build and one of those grins that draws you in.  A bit later the Top put some really nasty looking steel cuffs on the boy leaving him strung up and alone in the dungeon.  A few guys gathered to tease the boy a bit (nice!), but a little later when he was on his own I took the opportunity for a little grab and grope of my own.  Mid-nipple-pinch the handsome boy asked, "Do you have a blog?"  "Um....yes?"  "I thought I recognized that goatee!"  

Later we got to talk a bit more.  (This was after a rather large metal collar was locked on the boy.)  I voiced my own hope that he'd be wearing the collar for the rest of the weekend.  That threw him a bit as I know he was probably pretty closeted about his kinks, but sure enough, later that day I saw the two of them in the lobby with the boy still collared.  Cool!  And I'm hoping this couple may be joining us for our own dungeon parties down the road.  Nice guys, nice kinks, all good energy.  My kind of people.

I have always tried to remain very positive in this blog, but I have to admit the dungeon play I observed was much more "miss" than "hit."  In fact some of the behavior was so awful and dangerous and stupid I found myself getting quite angry.  You think driving and texting is bad?  Try flogging and texting (yes, really, I saw this.)  To the bored dominatrix lazily and with no focus or care swinging a flogger while constantly looking around the room--what were you looking for?  To see if anyone was watching you?  To find a better victim?  Really?  To the groups and groups and groups of noisy, loud, disrespectful people standing too close to the whip handlers or the riggers--Do you not see how distracting you are?  Did you not read the signs concerning a ban on cell phones?  Whose fault do you think it is when that flogger hit you in the back of the head?  To the idiotic, pompous, and totally unprepared Dungeon Monitors--Why did the rigger have to ask you to move the cackling, texting, screeching crowd right behind him?  And why did you just push that same crowd into the midst of another scene rather than actually solving the problem?  And when that woman collapsed from the flogging and single-tailing she was taking (by a very capable top who was clearly rattled by her fainting), how is it possible that the five of you DMs could just stand there, watching, and leave it to me to get her a blanket, water, sugar?  Really?  To the guy who offered up his girlfriend as flogging practice for anybody walking by--I kind of like the idea, but you might want to help people understand that the lower back is off limits.  Oh that's right, you were the one texting while flogging.  I'm surprised you hit the target at all.  I really hope that woman isn't still peeing blood from the abuse her kidneys took.  And to the guy who was flogging Tiny Tim (hearing falsetto screams from a guy with some of the skankiest hair I've seen in a long time was a bit disconcerting), rolling your eyes multiple times at the crowd watching won you no fans. Just because your bottom couldn't take your poorly-placed strikes (have you even noticed how a whip or flogger will wrap around the sides and to the front if you stand too close?), nor your whacks at full force without even a hint of warming him up, please understand:  This is NOT HIS FAULT.  Of course it was no surprise to see you toss him aside without a hint of aftercare and put on your orange sash and assume your pompous role of Dungeon Monitor.  Grrrrrr.

Deep breath.  Another deep breath.  Let it go.  We all start somewhere.  Hubby and I started with little $10 velcro restraints nearly 25 years ago.  And I'm sure when we purchased our first little flogger some 20 years ago we were clueless how to use it.  We survived.  Hopefully all these folks will too.  I just hope they're smart enough to sober up and go to a few of the classes at the next Con and learn real technique.  Or stop looking at their iPhones and watch BoySEFHRT's technique!

Okay, I promise to stop calling him BoySEFHRT.  Loki was amazing.  Is amazing.  And it was totally great for me to get a glimpse of a significant part of his own history and journey.

What happens in Vegas....

Okay, so actually the headline should read, "What happens at 1763..."

Sunday was our big 25th anniversary dungeon party.  Final count on people attending was 30.  Number of hot men there?  30.  Number of good friends there?  30.    And hubby and I thank you all for being there.

We had our own list of dungeon rules and etiquette suggestions.  Some are just common sense, some were lifted from Jack Rinella's writings, some were suggested by others.  It's not a bad list:

*No cell phones or cameras in the dungeon areas

*Casual conversation is limited to the patio and kitchen areas only

*Show respect for a scene, keep a distance and don't touch.

*Show respect for others' gear.  Most of us will let you borrow, but be nice and ask politely.  Return it clean.

*If you wore cologne here you're likely to get thrown in the shower.

*Clean up after yourself. 

*Safe Sex is the house rule.

*Don't monopolize an area or piece of furniture.  One of the reasons many of us come for public dungeon play is the multiple pieces of equipment or furniture that we don't have in our own dungeons.  Think in terms of an hour and then move on.

*Be honest about what you will and won't do.  (No limits?  Let me get the machete....)

*If a scene is "not for you" commentary is unnecessary, just walk away

*Keep big distances for any whipping or flogging scenes and total silence in those areas.  We all want to go home with all our original body parts.

*"NO" doesn't mean "No, I don't like you", if someone turns you down it may simply mean that their dance card is full.

*"NO" is not a safe word.  In fact "NO!" can be a big turn-on!   Just for today RED means stop, YELLOW means slow down

*A collar means hands off.

*"I didn't ask for your advice."  Giving advice to another Top is totally uncalled for.

*What happens in Vegas.....  We have to all agree that the play that takes place here is private.  Many men have to depend upon our discretion for a variety of reasons.  I think there is no problem in talking generically about a scene that took place, but to identify in any way the participants of that scene is good grounds for not being asked back.

*Asking questions makes you look smart, no matter how stupid the question.  (Thanks Jack! especially for this one!)

What's missing from this list is the role of the Dungeon Master, only because we knew the people involved that day so well we knew there would be no need for one.  Still, as host, I kept probably too much focus on the scenes and people around me and not quite enough on those at hand.

After our "meet and greet" I was pretty stunned to have two great Men honor me with a capping ceremony and the awarding of the title of  "Master."  I was deeply honored and also, like never before, understand the responsibility that goes with it.  You know by now, if you've read ANY of this blog, I am not "old guard", nor am I "new guard" (whatever that is), but I do have respect, tremendous respect in fact, for those who have blazed trails for us, who have made it possible for us to overcome Puritanical hysterics in our society, and allowed us to explore our sexual freedom within responsible and consensual levels.  I also believe that no title can be self-bestowed.  That basically is the same as paying $2.99 to some on-line site to get your PhD in Divinity.  To have this happen in front of 30 close friends was pretty amazing.

I have had the joy of being a teacher of one kind or another for almost 30 years of my life.  I think those skills will be best served as Mentor and Master in the leather, rubber, bondage, and S/m communities.

Just before play began a monster dick-shaped cake with 25 clothespins on the balls holding 25 candles for me and hubby to blow out was delivered to the dungeon.  How cool was that!

The play at the party was fantastic.  Caged boys dangling from the ceiling, open season on hubby's buttocks, two pups in a cage (the first chance for My pup to ever play with another!), 3 hour chair bondage, 2 hours tied to the chain web, electro, flogging, parachuted balls in a tug of war, the human urinal, and just lots and lots and lots of fun.  Also we had great joy in sharing some pizza with a dozen of us going to the local joint following showers and significant gear load out.

And we talked seriously about making this a quarterly get-together.  It would be a closed membership (not unlike Inferno where new members are sponsored, make application, must have references, etc.) club, gathering for play parties every 3 months.  The idea intrigues me and I think there's a need for it here in Atlanta.  There are some wonderful social and educational clubs in town, there's the one-of-a-kind Eagle for libations and social gatherings, but regular play parties for the BDSM community in a space that's every kinkster's dream dungeon?  Definitely a place for that!

We took a chance on a couple of invitations, asking new guys to join us because of the sincere interest they'd shown.  One was Mr. Gung-Ho and turned out to be Mr. No-Show.  The other was pretty quiet and reluctant, but made the effort to join us.  His micro journey on Sunday from arrival, to saying goodbye at the pizza joint, to the mind-blowing things he's shared since then about how we've blown the door off of his life....  Well, it doesn't get much better than that!

And hey!  I may get to live up to that promise I made about being Teacher/Mentor/Master very soon.  Our new friend is dying for some rope bondage lessons!  HEY!  He wants to learn to tie people up.  Get your minds out of the gutter.  I'm not that kind of guy.  Okay.  Yes, I am.

Knowledge Is Power

I first saw this at "A Master and His Slave", one of the best blogs you'll ever hope to find in blogdom. Not only do I think this set of "commandments" is terrific, the entire site that it's taken from can help all of us (even if it's aimed at those darn heterosexuals...LOL). You definitely should bookmark http://www.the-iron-gate.com/ if you're interested in learning more about our wonderful BDSM world.

10 Commandments for Newbies

Author: LadyMary03

I. THOU SHALT BE RELENTLESS IN YOUR SEARCH OF KNOWLEDGE ...for there are many who are willing and eager to guide and assist you in your search

II. THOU SHALT NOT BE HAUGHTY OF MIND ...for we all are still learning and growing. There is no shame in not knowing a right word or how to do something. Always keep an open and humble mind when it comes to learning.

III. THOU SHALT BE STEADFAST AND BOLD OF HEART ...for there are those who will try to humiliate you and belittle you for their egos sake. (example: "for a newbie-you sure have opinions" "newbies should be seen and not heard" "this isn't a beginners forum")

IV. THOU SHALT BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS ...for we should all respect each other as humans and as part of the same community. Even if opinions clash it is possible to disagree without being disagreeable keeping a sense of respect for one another.

V. THOU SHALT SEEK OUT THOSE OF LIKE KIND ...for there are chat rooms, munches, socials and parties readily available to give you an opportunity to make acquaintances. You are not alone.

VI. THOU SHALT NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO PERFORM FOR OTHERS SAKE ...for there are those who will mock where you are comfortable with. Perhaps you are only comfortable giving/taking mild spankings whereas an edge playing sadist/masochist may snub you feeling superior. They are not. The only right way to be is the right way for you!

VII. THOU SHALT NOT JUDGE LEST YE BE JUDGED ...for each relationship is special and unique between the people directly involved. As an observer you may not understand it but you don't have to as long as the people involved are in concensual agreement.

VIII. THOU SHALT BE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER ...for we are all part of the same community. Insults and Flaming weaken the whole. We are fortunate because we have 4 cheeks to turn thus we should be even more forgiving of each others faults.

IX. THOU SHALT BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS ...for with the availability of knowledge and the forums for opinions there is little reason to act in ignorance which may lead to unfortunate experiences. This means proper understanding of safe, sane and concensual play including negotiation and safewords and communicating your wants & needs efficiently. Do not assume others can read your every thought.

X. THOU SHALT BE TRUE TO YOURSELF ...for you are wonderful and unique in your individual way. There is no specific way a Dominant/Submissive must be. We are all distinctive jewels with our own remarkable personalities. There is no mold.