Tuesday, May 3, 2011

One year ago

May 2nd, 2010 was when I made my first blog entry.  210 entries later (averaging 4 a week, not bad!) I look back at some of the earlier writing and am amazed at what a year it's been.  Despite some of the worst pain episodes of my life, I really believe I've had the richest and most joyous year of my life.  As hubby and I enriched our relationship the depth of our love and commitment (and sexuality!)  reached all new levels.  Meeting and becoming close with ~loki has added all kinds of levels to what is already a great journey.  Being able to share in his journey has been exceptionally gratifying.

Add to that the richness of several old and new friendships and play partners and I sometimes pinch myself, feeling that sense that this must be a dream.  I do have a new goal, though.  All those years in Iowa and North Dakota coupled with losing all my close friends to AIDS back in the 90s made me forget how hard it is to be a real friend.  Upper mid-west folks are notorious for keeping people at arm's length, relying on self-dependence, putting on our happy faces and pretending every thing is hunky-dory.  Admitting vulnerability, admitting you NEED your friends is not part of how we were taught to live our lives.  As I've gone idiotic with everything that led up to the surgery, and almost become a recluse post-surgery I've failed a couple of close friends who just needed to be friends.  Thankfully they've knocked me up side the head.  Hopefully they'll accept the apologies.

Not thinking too clearly with all the pain meds right now, so putting two sentences together is not my strong suit.  I've made a list of all the blog entries I want to do.  Hopefully you'll be patient.

And thanks to all the followers here who have posted such positive and encouraging comments.  I hope you'll continue reading, enjoying and supporting.  I intend to have rope in my hands in about a month.  Meanwhile I'll practice the knots!


  1. Hope you're recovering well!

  2. Friends are important. I know I miss all the ones I've left in California, and am having a little trouble making new ones here in Kentucky. People aren't very social in the winter time.

    As for being a recluse, that's understandable. There's a couple of reasons for it. Even on the pain meds, you really don't have the energy to be "on" enough for visitors. Also, you don't -really- want people to see you vulnerable.

    Take your time. Heal. I've been there. I know I was -real- emotional on the pain meds, and after a week in the hospital, I needed another week or so at home before I really wanted to see anyone.

    I look forward to your new experiences with the healed back, and am more than content to wait for coherence.