Sunday, May 30, 2010

A Small Circle of Life

Back in the 80s and 90s there was a serious comment about our sexuality when we were warned that having sex with a person was in essence like having sex with every person your chosen partner had slept with. It was a good common sense warning to have safe sex. Always.

I've been reminded of that for two reasons. One is the absolutely horrid response I have to seeing all of the profiles looking for barebacking, "seeding", etc. Any justification that is offered for these dangerous activities is just wrong. Completely wrong. Insanely wrong.

The other reminder I had was more on an emotional level. Hubby and I like to play with other men and other couples. And yes, we practice safe sex always. But I'm still reminded that the actual community of real bdsm players, not the flakes, not the voyeurs, not the wannabes, is actually very small. And trust me, we talk. Okay, so some don't "kiss and tell" but most of us do. Maybe it's bragging, maybe it works as foreplay, maybe it's sharing a warning about someone who doesn't play by the rules, or maybe it's a recommendation that he's a "real player." But we DO talk.

Our "circle of life" is incredibly small. Places like RECON and RubberZone and other social sites make it even smaller. It's like playing "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon". I click on a profile and am never surprised to see that we have mutual "friends." Or if we are not directly linked, I usually can click on one of your friends and then look at HIS list of friends, and yup, there's one of my fuck buddy "friends."

Disrespect, dishonesty, outright lying, "no limits" men who can't take a light paddling, pricks who don't show up, etc.? These guys are known to us all. Names are shared, warnings are given, and SURPRISE SURPRISE, your dance card is empty. Meanwhile, those men who truly understand respect, honesty, care, consensual sane acts are equally known in our "circle of life."

Play safely, play honestly, play hard, and grab your opportunities.

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