Thursday, June 17, 2010

So Shoot Me, or Better Yet, Shoot ON Me

It's been a couple of weeks since my last entry. Work has been very demanding, and what little time I've had free has been taken up with my eternal love for hubby, and a new journey.

So what phrase is right? I "have" a new pup? I'm "training" a pup? I'm hoping I have a pup I might collar? Hell, I don't know. Hell, four weeks ago if you'd asked me about pup play I would have probably laughed in your face, cuz I really didn't get it. Really. I didn't judge it, or look down on it, but it just didn't seem to be "me."

Then I met ~loki. Holy shit.

I have spent so much of the last two years dealing with the dark corners of the whole BDSM headspace--the "dangerous," the "dark," the "edges of limits"--I'd sort of forgotten about the joy and exuberance that might fill our lives with a play partner. And I'm smiling non-stop.

This man/boy/pup is amazing. Young, handsome, energetic, honest, smart, (not to mention a red head), house-trained, doesn't drink from the toilet, and his brain goes 100 miles an hour. But we're working on that last part.

He worries constantly that when I spend an hour suiting him up and roping him up, or wrapping him head to toe in duct tape over palette wrap, that he's being selfish. And yet, those activities, we all know (yes?) are so intimate and bonding, and as a top, that effort is well worth the outcome. He couldn't imagine that a top would ever take a boy's dick in his mouth (how could I not---the strings of precum this pup generates are amazing). But, for what it's worth, I don't believe in rules. I believe in the here and now. Safe, sane, consensual--but rules? Nah. No fun there.

We both have life partners, mine for almost 25 years, his for 9 years, and all together we tread lightly. We know those partners have sacrificed for us, have been through the thick and thin moments, and as I told the pup, I don't know him well enough to donate a kidney like I would in a heartbeat for hubby.

But in my heart I know that no one partner can fulfill absolutely all I seek in life. And while we sacrifice parts of us to make the union better, to shut down part of our sexual yearnings in the name of "monogamy" usually just means that resentments grow and partnerships dissolve.

Do I believe in the "leather family?" I was never sure before. In abstract it sounded like it could be pretty cool. Yet I've talked to enough men in those families to know that not all is peaches and cream. Still.....a puppy sure might be nice.

We've "played" three times now and each time has been truly astounding. Our first time together you could cut the tension with a knife. This pup was so tense his shoulders were practically over his ears, he could barely get a noise to come out of his throat......but it got better. This last time the strides we both took were so huge, it was astonishing. But read his blog for the real story. You can smell the 100% honesty in it. (okay, he exaggerated the handsome part when he described me, but I forgive him that) Trust me, you'll be rooting for this pup, hoping like me that his journey is the best ever.

No comments:

Post a Comment